The devil is in the details.

Preparing advance directives may seem like an easy task at first.  But why does it continually move to the bottom of the pile on the desk?  What could be so very challenging that we are unable to put our wishes in writing with ease?  There are just a few seemingly simple decisions to make, after all.

However, the decisions in question require that we confront our mortality…. often a more than daunting task.  So how can we do it?  How can we contemplate the unknown details we might face as we approach the end of our life?

In addition to contemplation, conversation with friends and loved ones might be a useful activity to instigate decision-making.  Simply imagining – out loud – how it might feel to be at the end of your life could be a great beginning.  What does it look like?  Who is around you? Smells?  Sounds?  Fear?  Anxiety?  Discord?  Anticipation? 

We cannot possibly know how our end will come – or go.  However, we can begin to ‘plan’, based on our own held values and preferences, the kind of container and care that might suit us best.  And document and share that information with our loved ones.  These are the kinds of details that create advance directives.

Dead is a four letter word.  Perhaps that is why it is not uttered in polite company.  There is very little general discussion about what happens when dying, after death.  It seems to be some kind of secret.  But we all do it.  Like sex. Let’s talk about it.  Might make it easier.

Imagine if dying & death were common subjects of discussion… if we could approach this very normal life experience (which we share with each and every sentient being on the planet) as ordinary…. as healthy… as universal… perhaps even celebratory.  Discussion over dinner, at the spa, while walking in the park, or driving the kids to school…

We might even have ordinary, everyday discussions about our preferences at the time of dying …. who would be there, details of the environment – sounds, smells, sights.  Not that we really have a choice.  But imagine what it might be like if close friends and family actually knew what we wanted, actually understood our values and wishes… without fear.  Imagine…. the possible benefits of discussion of our hopes and fears.  Death matters.  Discussions of death matter.