“D” is for Detritus and Downsizing

by Abby Hoffman

Did you ever stand in your home and wonder, “what is going to happen to all this stuff?” Are there people in our lives who will benefit from our getting ready for our nevermore needed things? How do we approach this activity of getting rid of extras, multiples, and perhaps make it possible for everyone to not be heaped with lots of cleaning and sorting chores at the time they are dealing with grief and loss? Might we do these activities before we can’t and, actually delight in the process?

There are ways we can get our home ready for both downsizing to a smaller place and for our death. The inevitable time when things we have will be up for grabs, taken to the local thrift shop and, put out in the rubbish doesn’t have to be anyone else’s problem, not if we look at what we have and can deal with it now.

If it has occurred to us that our things need homes or disposal after we are gone then slow, deliberate organization and downsizing is simpler while we the ability and time, as well as friends and family that might help us organize, distribute, and create space for some of our treasures.

The idea of distribution to family and friends while we are still living may not occur to us when we are still managing a large home but what about when we move to a smaller place? When our spouse dies, when mobility changes, do we have in mind how the things we love and items we just have will be sorted? Some things will go with us to our new smaller home, some will go to family, friends, estate sales or charity.

We all have moments in our lives when the things we are surrounded by have concluded their purpose or have become extras in our homes. The baby clothes and children’s toys, surf gear or training bikes no longer used, cookbooks stacked high on the shelves, tools and extra chair cushions, an extensive magazine collection, clothing that’s outlived its size or interest, extra China place settings and, grandma’s silver tea service. Perhaps we have oodles of extra art pieces we or others have created, sentimental letters and photographs that may or may not be up for public viewing, record collections, and teaspoons from all over the world.

The good news is that much of what we have can be repurposed too a new life. If people express interest in our things, it is an act of generosity to give a coveted quilt to a daughter or son, tools and cooking equipment to grandchildren who are starting out, a wheeling cart to the gardener who helps you take care of your tomatoes, zinnias and beans. We can enjoy seeing these things at family gatherings in new homes, be delighted by the new use and the love generated in objects that have been passed on.

A couple of years ago a friend began the distribution of family heirlooms to her nieces and nephews. They got to pick which things were of interest one at a time. Most items were earmarked for them to receive while she is still living and others will go to them after she’s passed. It has been a joy-filled activity and has led to stories, reminiscences about family long gone as well as conversations about how the gifts will then be passed on to their children.

A lasting point for reflection: A friend entered home hospice and her belongings, all sorted for posterity, were down to 20 cartons. She had done the work of distribution and recycling when she was able. Upon her passing her sons donated her car, assorted scarves and clothing to friends. They carried home photo albums and scrapbooks personalized for each of the grands, her estate materials and a few treasured notes.

If you want more information on this subject look for the book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson